good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
