so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think people are normalizing furries
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
