I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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