Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
