There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
