I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
