My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh god it's open bar.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
