u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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