Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
