she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
