Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
