I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
