so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
