The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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