Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
