I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
