so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
