it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
