you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
