Too much gin, very little bucket
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
