if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
