TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
