oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
