My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
