turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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