i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
