I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
