Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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