FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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