I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
