just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my being single is dangerous.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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