i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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