Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
