The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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