I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
