im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
