should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pants are for mortals
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
