Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
