he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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