im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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