is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
