This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
