Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
