there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
