Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
