can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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