i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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