see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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