Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Less talking, more tequila
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
