Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
