I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize