If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
