so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
