Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
