just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
