***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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