You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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