Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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