everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
someone owes me an orgasm
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
