So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
