I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
