a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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