weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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