I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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