I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
