If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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