I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There r osticjed everywhere
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
