i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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