He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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