I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
