Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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