my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
