you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
