i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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