hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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