i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
