gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
