we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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