Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
