Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
