It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
