There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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