So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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