i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
