So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
