I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
