I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
