Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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