sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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