She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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