I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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