He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
organizing the empties. That sober.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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