he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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