I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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