how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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