you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
50% drunk capacity currently
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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