i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
